Ahhh…The
HELLGATE 100K…December 11, 2004. Start time 12:01am.
Hellgate 100k was a magical adventure again this
year. Although the weather and trail conditions and my personal expectations of
my performance were vastly different than the inaugural 2003 running…one thing
remained the same: It was a fabulously intense experience one in which I was ALIVE and
aware of my humanity each moment…I love it because it is such a
contrast to the regimented world my profession as a school counselor often
presents to me! But during HELLGATE 2004 I was anything but regimented or even
very smart…yet overall, I still had a great time!
After
a yummy dinner of pasta and conversation many runners gathered in the Heritage
Room of Camp Bethel. The room
resembled a child’s playroom with all sorts of runners drops bag items being
spread out and organized all over the floor. I was happy to hang out with
Bethany (Hunter) Patterson and Amy (Thompson) Bath as we pondered what seemed to
be the great question of the evening…shorts or tights? In the end I wound up
with shorts.
My
excitement and adrenaline started to kick in during that time of community and
during the race briefing. At one point when Horton was introducing the 1st
place awards he looked at me and mentioned my name. That comment and receiving
#11 as my race number had me appropriately self-conscious about performance
expectations…
I
must admit, I was nervous. Yes, I’d had a very good year and worked hard...at
least until the Masochist in October…but since October I’ve been running
miles-yet not hard training miles and I was giving myself a couple of months off
from the physical and personal stresses of training…I even ran a couple of
road 5k’s and a road 13.1 (which I will never do again-especially a week
before Hellgate-yet that is another rambling entirely.)
At
this time however, I was about to start a race and for the first time all year I
felt uncertain whether or not I was prepared. I knew there some excellent
competition-especially Bethany Patterson and even though she’d been
concentrating on other parts of life for the last many months and hadn’t raced
much, she was here and I expected as tenacious and able as ever! And I knew
Sally Brooking from GA was here and Amy B. from Boone was dealing with a recent
injury but had improved hugely this year.
I
was determined to do my best, to run as hard as I could, and since
I am considering this my “off season” until January 1st, I
really wanted to approach this event being less planned and “anal” as I
usually am. I decided to run hard
when I felt like it and back off when I had to. I definitely did not plan or run
a smart race…Horton suggested we treat it more like a 100miler because of the
progressive terrain and elevation changes. His suggestion was a wise one that I
did not heed. Instead, I ran as I pleased for the first 25 miles and felt my
indiscretions for the rest of the way!
The
darkness part of the course went by like a blur to me-I especially relished the
single-track downhills that were ever-so-much fun to navigate with a single beam
halogen headlamp (I am fortunate to have discovered the Petzel MYO light to use
the bright halogen for fast or technical running and the energy conserving LED
for the slower uphills or more predictable dirt roads!) I loved running through
the creeks and following the mud prints ahead of me. One of the first human made
highlights was coming into the festive holiday illuminated Camping Gap and being
cheered on by aid stations volunteers and DH who told me the leaders were about
10 minutes ahead of me. This is the first time I really realized I was moving
fast…way too
fast for what was good for me. “BUT”, I thought, “What the heck? I am
having a great time…let’s see what happens!”
I
continued on…lost in concentration of the trail and in out-of context thoughts
of Star Wars characters and of anticipating the privilege of running as a
Montrail runner in 2005, and of my husband George and our kitty Duncan…And
then before I knew it I was in the Promise Land field rollicking downhill toward
the dirt road that would lead to the drop bags at Headforemost Mountain. My
first of several significant walks happened on the mile long dirt road going up
to this aid station. Up until this point I’d mostly ran-except for a step here
or there… yet now I was beginning to feel my earlier unbridled enthusiasm and
some trudging up the hill became necessary.
After
checking in at the aid station, changing out bottles of Hammer gel and eating a
few bites of warm soup I was off again headed off into the “unknown!” As I
ran along I had lingering memories of last year-the discomfort of the freezing
cold at this aid station and my inability to feel my hands when I tried to get
into my drop bag…yet this year for me it was quite pleasant and sort of
warmish. The aid station workers I knew however were making a sacrifice-they
were standing around practically immobile at 4:30am as the chilly rain started
to fall. As for me, I continued on the varied terrain and mostly downhill to aid
station #5 at Jennings Creek. Last year I’d arrived here at first light…this
year while I gulped Conquest and grabbed M&M’s I wondered how far I could
get by sunrise?
DH
was there encouraging me and cheering me on to go “catch some men!” At this
point I was in 9th place…feeling energetic and happy in spirit, yet
my legs were feeling the earlier miles and I started mixing power walking in the
ascents. As I walked up the next hill again I wondered at the different
experiences all of us were having out there. My world of the last several hours had been very focused and
unsocial until this point…I was having fun, yet as usual, not taking the time
to enjoy the company or the yummies at the aid stations. I noticed the mist and
the stars and the lights down the mountain in the distance...yet my experience
was being absorbed through the run, rather than taken in with my senses. I have
experienced this on some other ultras and fastpacks, yet I am still at a loss
for how to explain it.
The
next section was rather uneventful and I turned off my headlamp after getting on
the Forest Service road that lead to aid station #6. I knew I was slowing down
and for the first time I looked behind me. I was not surprised to see 2 lights
coming down the hill in the distance. It was a bit of a relief…with my lack of
regular pacing, I knew I was bound to be passed at some point…And soon I would
see if those lights belonged to hes or shes.
Cat
Phillips among several others encouraged me along through aid station #6. And
soon I met a couple of those lights I’d seen coming down the hill. Herman
Richards flew by and I got to run for the next many miles with Brian Kistner
from SC.
This
section around Cove Mountain was exactly as I remembered: eye candy- lovely
contouring single-track and deceptively filled with leaf covered rocks. I moved
more quickly and self assured through this section while walking or hopping
rather than running.
Crossing
Bearwallow at 42.5 miles Brian and I stopped to change our socks and grab some
calories as we anticipated the climb up and around Purgatory Mountain. Here I
really started to slow down and lost sight of Brian. My brain was telling my
legs to run…after all this section was far from steep or rocky or rooty…yet
my legs were rebelling and insisted on walking breaks more often than I
wished….Like I said, I did not race smartly…and I started to scold myself
during this section for my earlier lack of self-restraint. Finally upon reaching
Bobblets Gap I refilled water bottles grabbed a Balance Bar (I was moving too
slowly at this point for the gel diet to help me…I knew my effort level had
changed significantly and should be fine with regular food). When asked how I
was doing, I simply said, “Slowing down.” One of the kind volunteers pointed
out that “Everyone else is too!”
During
a pit stop on the next downhill road section I was passed and tried
unsuccessfully to catch the person as he plowed ahead-a glimpse of blue always
in the distance. I had my last glimpse of the 2 runners in front of me as I
started up the ridge on the never-ending single-track that dumped us out at Day
Creek.
I
have little to say about this section except that I had to work hard to keep my
spirits up to keep from being too frustrated. The trail just went on and on and
on and on…and I was frustrated with myself for not remembering from last year
and from not running smart earlier. At this point in the run as I came across
the little flags stuck in the ground I knew from the pre-race briefing that
there was still 2 miles to go until the aid station. For me these were probably
the longest and slowest 2 miles of the course. Several hundred feet before the
end of the trail, 2 Liberty students smiled and said hi and told me the aid
station was just ahead. Thank you guys for the news that lighted my afternoon!
Coming
into Day Creek I was relieved to be reminded there was a little over 6 miles
left. I knew I still had downhill legs left…so all I had to do now was reach
the Parkway! The slow slog up to the Parkway was uneventful until the last
switchback when I looked behind me and saw another runner. My adrenaline kicked
in…the person was wearing neon and looked too tall to be Bethany…or Amy or
Sally…but I couldn’t tell from gait or posture if this was a tall woman or a
man…so I hurried…I really didn’t want to be caught or passed by anyone at
this point. I have become aware this year of my competitive nature and fellow
runners jokingly have hummed the Jaws theme music and told me they see dorsal
fins when I get into that mode. I heard the theme music myself loud and clear
and hustled down the hill.
The
person behind me turned out to be Jerry Turk who was met by his companion Kerry
as the FS road joined the Camp Bethel approach road. I’d seen Kerry through
the last 13.5 +hours and she was encouraging and cheery as she waited the few
seconds as I passed her for Jerry to come into view. Soon Scott B’s “1 mile
left” sign was in view and I was psyched and ran hard and all at the same time
thought “I don’t want to do this again” all the while planning for next
year!
I
crossed the finish at 13:50:08 (about an hour and 25 minutes faster than last
year). Seconds after finishing someone asked me how I was doing…I am sure I
must have been all smiles as I said “great”…It’s funny how seconds after
finishing something hard I can all but forget the difficulties and remember the
fun.
I
will remember the consequences I felt by not running a smart race this day…yet
I will also remember the fun and freedom of not using restraint in those early
miles. I hope as I continue to run and race I can find a way of bridging the gap
between “running free” and “racing smart”.
Thank
you to David Horton and Charlie and all the aid station workers and runners for
another fine adventure.